Friday, February 18, 2011

Semen eggs

What’s the true meaning of Easter?  Well, certainly not this business about bunnies and eggs or – heaven (actually) forbid – fertility.  It’s a lot more sensible and sober than that, as explained on the packaging of a new Easter egg:

We happen to think it's a bit more meaningful than that. That's because billions of people all over the world believe that Jesus died on the cross on Good Friday, then rose again three days later … on Easter Sunday. Actually, many believe that chocolate eggs represent the boulder that sealed his tomb.

Yeah, we’d be pretty stupid to believe all that stuff about bunnies when we have such an obviously true explanation involving people rising from the dead to somehow atone vicariously for the sin of Adam which we all inherit at birth since it’s magically transmitted through semen.  Oh and that eggs somehow conveniently represent stones for no reason other than sinister, aggressive stealing of everyone else’s holidays.

The blurb on the packaging should include the bit about the semen.  Isn’t the semen the most important part, after all?  I think we’d all buy semen eggs since it would certainly glorify god.

I think it’s sweet that a church has launched religious Easter eggs.  A cynic like me might consider that it might have been more effective if they’d done it two thousand years earlier, but better late than never as the catholic not-really-proper support of evolution and notpology to Galileo shows us.  But the mirthful atheist in me sees it as another attempt to steal the holiday back, and the lamest attempt ever at that.

I suspect the article is being unfair.  I imagine that a group of Christians decided to put together an Easter egg for charitable purposes and did a pretty decent job about it.  Some people will benefit from the business and that will be awesome.  All very good.

But… is anyone really convinced about it?  If Christians are hell bent on raising money for this purpose, why do they need paying in chocolate?  If they were really concerned about making money for charity, why didn’t they produce an egg that didn’t have a Christian message and donate the proceeds – without crowing about it – to the needy? 

My charitable side thinks they probably wanted to do both, but they certainly misjudged it.  Nobody wants to buy your semen eggs.  Lots of people want to give money to your causes.

If you stop making idiotic belief a condition for giving you money to help people, we might give you more. 

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