Friday, September 16, 2011

Defenders of marriage

“We love them to death, and we love them without being judgmental,” the 62-year-old Chandler, Ariz., retiree said. “But the actual marriage I cannot agree with.”

Barbera Von Aspern says she loves her daughter but won’t go to her wedding because she’s marrying a woman.  It pains her – she unrealistically claims – that she won’t be at her daughter’s wedding, but her religious beliefs (she’s a Mormon) mean that she’s had to choose this course of action.

“It was very difficult," Von Aspern says. "We had to bring them to the house and hug them and love them and tell them these things and not let that keep us apart."

This woman ‘had’ to tell her daughter to not let the fact that she wouldn’t attend her wedding - because she felt her marriage was an abomination – keep them apart.  This is the most astonishing display of passive aggressive behaviour I think I’ve ever seen. Barbera wants her daughter to suffer because she herself is a bigot.  She just can’t swallow her religious bile for a day and be part of her daughter’s celebration.

And this is where the hypocrisy smashes through like the Hulk with IBS. She uses the ceremony as a sort of proxy for the bigotry of what she’s committed to believing.  How fucked up does a person have to be to convolute themselves into a position like that?

Barb presumably wishes the couple well and doesn’t object to the relationship, but to justify her belief in stupidity she has to draw an arbitrary line in the sand.  A line that – presumably – nobody was interested in crossing anyway. 

Too bad the cost is so high.  Oh, not the cost to Barb.  There’s no cost there.  Piety is it’s own reward and if you can mince in a little martyrdom so much the better.  Barb *revels* in her supposed pain.

The cost to the daughter is probably pretty high, though.  She probably wanted her mother to be at her wedding.  She probably wanted her mother to share in her own joy on a day that will change her life. 

But let’s strip this of the drama.  My parents believe that no marriage is really properly valid unless it’s a Christian marriage.  My marriage was not Christian.  But they came to the wedding.  They wanted to be a part of it, even though they didn’t approve.  They don’t think of me and my wife as not married, even though they don’t think secular marriages really count.

Similarly, I think that promising god that you’ll love, honour and obey is a pretty poor way to do things even if you believe in god or that people should obey one another.  I hate the mumbo as much as the jumbo and don’t like going to church weddings.  But I still go, despite HOW MUCH IT BURNS.

It’s such a small price to pay, isn’t it, to hold your tongue for a couple of hours?  And the idea that someone might approve of the marriage but not of the wedding is plain incoherent. 

Nobody buys that, Barb.  You hurt your daughter to make yourself feel pious.  I hope she realises she’s better off conducting her relationship with you on her terms rather than on yours.

That damnable cuttlefish puts it better, as usual.

No comments:

Post a Comment