Only look at this if you’re made of stronger stuff than I am. It’s very upsetting.
A woman suffered a miscarriage and it tore her world apart. The death of a foetus is itself a grief I’m not sure I can comprehend. The reactions of her friends and family, although probably sympathetic, didn’t help her. She felt that her husband didn’t feel the grief she did. She was told by another (presumably well-meaning) family member that she probably hadn’t felt the baby kicking at all. She’d just felt the corpse floating around.
This tragedy changed her perspective. She stopped going to church and she stopped believing in prayer. She couldn’t believe that this was a test of her faith especially since she’d had a pretty poor time of things already, having suffered abuse of one sort or another for most of her life.
She began to wonder how the god she’d always believed in could possibly be the god that let this happen, as well she might.
She told her painful story to Michael Pearl in the hope he’d be able to help others in similar situations. She said:
I don’t know if you have an article on coping with a miscarriage (I checked before writing this) but if you feel compelled to write one, many women would be grateful.
I’m going to quote Pearl’s response verbatim. It’s hard to know what to add. Awfulness and inhumanity drips from every sentence but I don’t think you have to go any further than the second word to feel your heart plummet into your bowels. Pearl turns her grief into anger so he can send a self-righteous message that does nothing to help this woman or anyone else.
Your anger is based on the assumption that you know better than God what is best. Your child is now in the presence of God beholding the face of the Father (Matthew 18:10). “It is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish (Matthew 18:14). Your child will appear again in the Millennium as a child to be raised by someone—possibly you—to maturity, and so make a choice concerning the Savior. In reference to the Millennium the Bible says, “And the streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls playing in the streets thereof’’ (Zechariah 8:5). One of those playing children is your little one. Jesus held your child before your did. Are you angry at him for drawing this little one to himself? He said, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God” (Mark 10:14).
Are you thinking about what is best for your child, or what you think is best for yourself? Do you know that this little one would be born whole to live a normal life? Do you know that he/she would not suffer from a chronic disease? Do you know that you child would have grown up to honor God and life a fruitful life? If your child was not going to be saved, would you still want him/her to come into the world and live such a short time just to spend eternity in hell? How can you be so sure that you know what is best? Like Job you need to be humbled and face the fact that your world has revolved around you. It is time you resigned as chairman of the universe and leave it to God to do a little “baby sitting” until you get there to take over for him. I am sure your baby is in the best of hands.
This response is as hateful as it is bewildering. She wasn’t angry, she was asking someone she apparently trusted to help other people who might be as grief-stricken as her. Along the way she started to lose her faith and Pearl caricatured that understandable way of thinking as anger at god and her as a dreadful person who deserved her lot and needed to be ‘humbled’ for daring to ask whether there were resources to help other people cope with similar things.
It’s about the most shameful thing I’ve ever read. I just can’t bring myself to comment on it, the hatred speaks for itself.