Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Some impossible things before breakfast

I came downstairs this morning and found a set of bluetooth headphones in the middle of the floor.  This was strange because I lost those headphones nearly a year ago, in Leeds.  Or so I’d believed.  I used them on the train on the way to Leeds, then couldn’t find them when I got on the train home.

I went through my bag several times, even though I always put the headphones in the one, small, zipped pocket. I emptied the bag out when I got home and the headphones were not there.

Of course, they must somehow have been in there anyway. They must have fallen out (somehow) somehow without my noticing and (somehow) got lost in the house for a year, even though there’s nowhere they could have been where I wouldn’t have come across them in the course of all those months. And then Fortran must (somehow) have found them and decided to play with them, leaving them in the middle of the room when she was done.

That’s a lot of somehows.

The only other plausible explanation is even less likely.  After a few days I replaced the lost headset with an identical one.  I suppose it’s conceivable that I’ve been using both headsets interchangeably and (somehow) failed to notice.  It seems virtually impossible that I wouldn’t have tried to put one of them in my bag at some point when the other set was already there.  Or maybe Liz is fucking with my head.

Whatever the actual explanation, I don’t know what it is.  But I make that at least four impossible things before breakfast.


  1. I am fucking with your head and what you don't realise is that we also have two Fortrans. You having been using / stroking them interchangeably and (somehow) failed to notice.
    The two Fortrans have been wearing your two headsets at night and parading around with them whilst you were asleep.

  2. And both Fortrans like me better than they like you.